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Having a choice of WHEN to react doesn’t mean you don’t react! But when you use the reaction in a  way that works for you.

The reaction of biology and biography is pre-set in the brain and just happen.

You already know from the DAILY CHECK IN that STOP/ WAIT  is the first way to “Buy Time” with a stress reaction – now you can add in a way to use time to create the reaction you prefer….

Personal wants, needs and environmental practicality has to inform what I can try. Then  Do I react to stress NOW or NOT NOW?

What state am I in?  Are you in a state of physical, emotional, social stress or even fear?

What place? Are you in a place that feels like your reaction fits?

Who is around? Are you with people who will understand?

MAIN IDEA: The choice of when to express your reaction, NOW or NOT NOW – WHAT IS BEST FOR ME?  This is self- knowledge in action.

CHECK IN:  Use an experience from this week to work with the TIMING tool.  The success of this tool will depend on your ability to judge what level of stress you are feeling. At higher levels we just want help feeling better – at the lower levels you can judge what is the best way to express what you want or need.

EXAMPLE: Pablo first feels embarrassed that he comes from a poor family. He has spent, ” most of my life”, in efforts to make up for that experience by overworking.

He can Stop/Wait, Hold the reality that he feels tired from doing ‘too much’.  He holds his reality that he has done too much already and has complete communication of the details: I feel tired, I want to live in a different way, l need to say “no” to a few things.

The most difficult question for Pablo is when to say “No” and to who? He really lives with his heart but doesn’t want that heart attack he always fears.  He has practiced enough with this tool to be able to say – “Yes, I would like to see you, why don’t we do that next week?”

He has found a style of turning people down that is positive.  He is living life on new terns – not trying to prove himself all the time with everyone!

EXAMPLE: Alexis has an urgent feeling to “please everyone” first and then do too many favors. She is optimistic about everything.  She is experimenting with addressing her own needs first. At home she has asked her children and partner to do more around the house.

By planning time for herself, she has learned to not allow her old feelings of guilt to overpower her new found pleasure and relaxation. ” I read my book in the evening now for an hour while they clean up after dinner. I never did that in my life. Later we still have time together before bed.”

CHECK IN EXPERIMENT:  It is amazingly simple to ask the question: Now or Not Now?   But the real trick is to put in WHEN?, and stick to it.   Experiment with different situations throughout your day today.

Think of this tool as a planned strategy, not avoidance.  Because you are adding in the second question of when, and what is best for me it is strategic.  You will experience a strong sense of self-direction.

 

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