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SELF – EXPECTATIONS!

The brain creates predictions from past social interactions as patterns for current self-expectation. This creates a basic assumption to use in response to what is happening now. We need to know how to act in ways that fit the people and groups we live with.  And these need to fit with my sense of self.

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Example: Jillian has a new baby and her landlord lives in apartment next to hers. This couple are constantly tell her what to do such as, don’t feed him too much, don’t let him near the window or if you let him cry we can’t sleep.

Julian feels like these people are overbearing and too negative but her biography makes her assume that they mean well.

She was bullied in school: THEY don’t like me and I can’t trust them .

She has great parents: They are smart, They know what to do – I don’t know what to do, I don’t trust myself yet.

The outcome is that she feels jumped on, resentful and is becoming angry.

What does Julian do? She feels frustrated and a little angry with all of the commentary,  she wants to be nice, needs to get along well with these close neighbors and can try to engage differently as an experiment to see if she can make her life easier.

Resolution:  I can try to ask their advice about specific things I may not know instead of feeling like they can “jump on me” about anything. I can try to tell them what I am doing instead of feeling judged. The next few days when I see them in the hallway I can ask them when they usually go to bed and tell them that I have a sleep process with the baby so they have a clear understanding of what to expect at night.

The main idea is that Julian knows her basic assumptions make this experience seem like a negative judgement and confrontation.  She can take charge and be proactive by creating the experiment and others. Having an understanding of her biography and why she is reacting this way helps create the platform for self- direction. Her stress levels can go from 4 to 3.

The knowledge you have with yourself is a critical part of this work.  When you have a clear sense of why and how you react to stress you will be able to experiment to make your own changes.

Basic Assumptions are normal Predictions of what others feel, want, need and think keep you reacting the same way  – usually with the same outcome.   THEY – are many different people and your brain will look to see how you have engaged with THEM in the past.

Daily Check in:  You will begin to discover the adaptive behavior of past experiences “just makes sense”.  On the app; Of course I feel this way! Take time to revise your stress scale so that it becomes a clear outline of self-knowledge –

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